// Helping throw a friends engagement party//

And seriously…

Seriously I make the best engagement party playlist ever!

I mean its all like indie folkie acoustic and its beautiful!

Of course I want to be with someone and fall in love and I want a cute montage of moments I want an intimate engagement I want a beautiful outdoor green grass hills wedding I want my own house with our styles blended together with a big bed with satin sheets and a fluffy comforter. But I’m also in no rush.

// My dire affliction I’ll attribute to you//

The night is now mine my plans fell through like they usually do. It’s sad to say that my friend list pretty limited, but I’m alright with it. I think I could pretty much be alone if I had my music and the internet. I’m laying on the floor of my room writing have headphones in and listening to some soothing music. Today was my first step into “zombie” days, I even skipped out on dinner out of lack of even wanting to get up and make the effort to chew the food. I was talking yesterday to a friend of mine about how my grandma is 90 years old i’m gonna be 21 and most likely she probably won’t be coming to my wedding and she is one of the people I want to come the most. When I was 17 I came across a picture of a wedding dress and I fell in love with it, I saved it and showed her and she said you would look gorgeous in that. Part of me wants to wear that exact dress in case she isn’t here when my wedding rolls around (I’m not even in a relationship) So the chance of me getting married within the next 5 to 8 years is slim.

and when we kissed it didnt feel poisonous and when you cried I dried off your blue eyes she smiles at me as she is falling asleep says “we’ve gotta live the best we know how to.”

I feel like maybe I’m changing or SOMETHING is changing because I feel it. I feel it coming, like someone is watching me over my shoulder uncomfortable yet inevitable.